With every sacrament that is given to us by the Church, it is necessary to prepare to receive that sacrament so that we are able to gain the greatest benefit from the grace of God poured out upon us. There are two very common things that happen in preparing for confession – both of which compromise the grace that comes to us from the sacrament and the value of that confession for our spiritual growth. These two things are the incomplete confession and the too complete confession.
Sometimes people will make an incomplete confession, leaving out sins either on purpose or from ignorance. When a person does not properly prepare or tries only to think of the “bad things” they did with no guidance, they frequently miss recognizing sins in themselves and so do not include those things in their confession. Thus sin goes unconfessed because it has been able to “hide”. The best way to remedy this situation is to use a guide or list and as we go through the questions or list of sins to ask ourselves not “Did I commit this sin?” but rather to assume that indeed this sin is alive in me and “How does this sin live in me?” There are many such guides - some based on the commandments, some on the beatitudes, some follow a list of the chief passions, some are prayers of confession themselves handed down to us from the saints and accomplished spiritual elders. Whatever the form, one should use such a guide to prepare for confession. Secondly, as you prepare, write your sins down on a piece of paper and take this list with you to confession so that you forget nothing. After the confession you can hand your list to the priest who will literally “tear up your sins” or you can tear it up yourself.
Sometimes as we see our own sins, we purposefully omit some of them from confession, either from shame, not wanting to admit that we have done some wrong, or because we do not wish to bear the consequences of our actions. To hide one’s sins from his confessor is a grave sin itself against which we are warned in the prayers said by the priest before the confession:
“Behold child Christ stands invisibly here receiving your confession. Do not be ashamed or afraid and do not conceal anything from me, but tell me all that you have done that you might receive forgiveness from our Lord Jesus Christ … If you conceal anything from me you shall have the greater sin. Take heed therefore that having come to the Physician, you depart unhealed.”
Thus we see the importance of confessing all our sins without omission for it is by making a complete confession that we are healed completely from the damage that is inflicted upon us by our sins.
But there is also the opposite problem – the too complete confession. There is a saying that a wise man who wishes to hide a pebble will hide it on a beach or if he wishes to hide a leaf, he will put it in a forest. A pebble on a beach or a leaf in a forest is not hidden by being shut away and secreted, but rather by the fact that it is surrounded by so many other items like it that to pick out one particular pebble or leaf is nearly impossible. When we make our confession it is good to be thorough in our self examination and to be complete in our confession, omitting nothing. However, one must also be on guard against hiding your sins in a multitude of sins. When we confess our sins, rather than list out every single transgression or every minute detail, it is better to look for the underlying passion and confess this one great sin that is hiding in the midst of many little sins.
When a person in confession says something like, “I forgot to say my morning prayers three times and my evening prayers two times this week” this kind of sin often has its root somewhere else. If we do not identify that root, then the penitent will find it difficult to be consistent in prayer because he has only dealt with the symptom and not the cause. Perhaps this frequent neglect of prayers is due to laziness, or perhaps it is improper priorities, putting unimportant things first. Perhaps there is a lack of routine and discipline in the home or in one’s personal life. Without identifying, confessing and repenting of the root cause, prayers will continue to be missed.
When a person confesses breaking the fast, they must look at the situation around why the fast is broken as well as understand why it is that we fast. Fasting, in the Church, is an ascetic endeavor that is a tool by which we deny ourselves and weaken the base passions that seek to control us. So the wise penitent will then begin to look beneath the sin for the passion that drives it. Did he break the fast due to inattention – forgetting that it was a fast day? Did he break the fast because his hunger or desire was too strong? Did he break the fast because he was too lazy to fast? Did he break the fast because it was inconvenient and required planning and preparation that he did not make? Did he break the fast out of shame – not wanting to be different or to stand out among his friends or associates, or not wishing to admit that he has a spiritual life?
Perhaps a person confesses frequent episodes of judging others or gossiping or anger towards others. All of these have a root in pride, seeking to make ourselves better than another person and defending against the prick of conscience (which is the prompting of the Holy Spirit) that tells us the sin we see in others is alive in one’s own soul. And so it is necessary to see that pride and it is necessary to confess not only that we judge others, but to confess those very sins we see in others which are alive and active in ourselves.
These are but a few examples – it is necessary that we do this kind of self-examination, looking not only at the surface, but also at what is below the surface of our sins. When you find that you have a long list of many sins – before you make your confession, consider what boulder of sin is hiding amidst the many pebbles of sins on the beach and identify that underlying sin. Then when you confess, after reading your list of sins, add also the hidden sin that you see lurking beneath the surface.
Do not simply treat confession as an aside or an unpleasant duty to get through as quickly as possible. In confession you come before the Spiritual Physician and tell Him the symptoms of your spiritual illness. In order to gain the most from this “doctor’s visit”, prepare for your confession and then make a good confession complete and meaningful that will lead to the cure and healing of the soul.
